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2002-08-03
10:03 p.m.
I can't possibly go into detail that would be horrific or humorous enough to describe D administering my first "at home" neupogen shot. I am in no way growing accustomed to needles or any of this medical crap. I am only getting more dramatic. This morning�s episode tired me out for the whole day. And now I sit here exhausted. The neupogen totally freaks out my neck by nightfall. B told me it gives her terrible back aches. The shot is supposed to stimulate white blood cell counts so anyplace where there is massive bone marrow can kind of ache. I have no idea why it�s my neck but I am not grateful for the dull ache in my upper spine that is making it hard to hold my head up.
Even when I told the nurse that my neck hurt from the shots all she said was � it is usually the �flat� bones like the hip and chest bone. I found her statement to have zero relevance to my pain. I am starting to get hardened towards the nurses. I once thought they were angels but now that I�ve seen them flex over blood counts and nuepogen shots I see them for what they really are � another set of hourly wage female workers who get no power or respect so they seek it out in little ways throughout their day. I am certain the last nurse that told me my doctor was wrong in prescribing fewer shots would have loved to see me in the emergency room just to prove she was right. The woman who told me I could not videotape my CT scan took such pleasure in her dual roll as radiology technician and mini-legality consultant I could see her eyes sparkle with pride from saving the hospital from some legal fiasco brought on by a cancer patients home video. Medicine is a frightening world. I won�t be out of it soon enough. I no longer want to be a part of any power struggle between women wearing fluffy kittie-cat variations on the hospital �scrub� outfit. I don�t want to know just how much a person can fuck your world up on account they are having a bad day. The impact of the patriarchy is a heavy one. I shamefully, yet silently (since I know I have a blood draw coming soon), turn suspicious against my sisters in scrubs. huh? - 2004-01-15 resolutions - 2004-01-09 video reason - 2003-12-30 sik - 2003-12-06 voiceless - 2003-11-19
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