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2002-10-18

2:50 p.m.

Yesterday I did not go directly home after my radiation appointment. I sat out in the main waiting room to read a week-old issue of US magazine. The friendly desk-check in assistant asked me twice if a doctor had seen me yet. I told her twice that I had already been in for treatment and refused her parking pass another three times. Her concern made me unreasonably uncomfortable and for some reason I wanted to offer her reassurance that I was ok. But, telling her I was sticking around to read a magazine that I would normally just steal but I have principals when it comes to oncology waiting rooms didn�t seem sufficient at the time. So I told her that I was waiting for a friend. That got her off my ass. I was still overly concerned about carrying out my charade and was trying to think up a credible act such as waving to someone across the room and getting up to �meet� them when she left her station. I snuck away.

Today I didn�t go straight home from my radiation appointment. Instead I drove around the hood so I could listen to all of a previously recorded Jodie Foster interview on Fresh Air. The station was coming out of Ann Arbor and for some reason we can�t get it in the house. I didn�t mind driving around. I thought I could sit in the Tim Horton�s lunch hour drive through line but that wasn�t even long enough to cover the whole interview so I drove by an old squatter�s shack my brother had considered buying and noticed that it was no longer for sale. The house was still in ultra poor shape however.

I can�t pinpoint my reasons for resistance in returning home after my treatment. The explanation for these sorts of neurosis isn�t revealed until time has passed. I wonder what I will do with myself after I am done being a patient.

huh? - 2004-01-15
resolutions - 2004-01-09
video reason - 2003-12-30
sik - 2003-12-06
voiceless - 2003-11-19

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