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2002-08-19
11:06 a.m.
After 6 days in the hospital of being monitored, hooked up to tubes and poked for blood every 6 hours (in the same arm), they let me walk out. I asked if I had to wait for a wheelchair and the nurse looked me up and down and said, "You can walk if you feel ok." Just think - I could have walked out that whole time! If only I knew how to get an IV out of my arm I could have been home by Thursday. Sure I might have thrown a clot to my lung or brain but I would be out of the death ward. The oncology floor at the hospital is not exactly uplifting. Most of my fellow inmates weren't up for chat. At night all you could hear is the faint beep-beeping or beep-bopping of the IV pumps alerting the nurses to check for air or change a bag. Across the hall from me a man screamed for his mother from time to time. On other nights he would yell for "Sylvia". My roomie had a heart of gold and chest full of small cell lung cancer. I selfishly wished some of my family members that smoke could hear and see the amount of pure pain and agony that results from years of smoking. ....I just watched "The Insider" on FX channel and I can't help but wonder how tobacco execs sleep at night because I sure couldn't with all that coughing and wheezing and midnight visits from pulmonary specialists. Cancer is crappy and no matter how long a person smokes or how short they have lived it is equally unwelcome. R (my roomie) and I got along great and I was sad to see her go - at least she got to leave too - she had a wheel chair. I think that since I was the "walkie-talkie" (J - the pretty tall nurse called me that) on the floor I was somewhat of an attraction to nurses, aides and residents. I got all kinds of unexpected and barely-medical related questions from these visitors. I made sure to urge the friendly young Dr. H to specialize in oncology because funny and effective oncologists are hard to come by. I told my cancer story to several nurses and filled in the hospital Chaplin about my home invasion and attack. I created my own little hospital world and I was the girl with cancer who could sit up and pee alone. I had no problems leaving it behind. Since I've been home my dreams and waking wandering thoughts have consisted of me being hooked up to tubes and connected to the wall. I also feel pretty dang-gone nauseas since I had the opportunity to receive my 6th chemo treatment right in the hospital. The only benefit to that was having the anti-nausea drugs on a constant IV drip. The rest of the situation was pretty crappy. Miss K sleep on the floor next to my hospital bed on the last night I was there. She is the worlds best sister - I tried to tell her that there were a few cases of the West Nile Virus being treated in the same hospital but she had no fear. So I am back and feeling faint effects of what I understand is called "Chemo Brain" -- it's a mind confusion thing that happens with the cumulative effects of chemo. Good thing I only have two more treatments to go. I really am starting to slur my words. At least I can get back to daily writing. huh? - 2004-01-15 resolutions - 2004-01-09 video reason - 2003-12-30 sik - 2003-12-06 voiceless - 2003-11-19
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